The Main Challenges Faced by Divorced Families: A Personal Reflection

Drawing from real-life experiences—whether my own, or those I’ve seen in movies, novels, or books—I’d like to dive into the key challenges divorced families often face. One case that hits close to home is my friend Z, whose parents split when she was a teenager. The more I’ve gotten to know her, the clearer it’s become how deeply her family’s struggles have shaped her life. Here are the three biggest challenges I’ve observed, woven together with her story.

1. Lingering Emotional Wounds from Past Relationships

Even after a marriage ends, the emotional fallout can linger like an unwelcome guest. For Z’s family, this unresolved conflict stems from her parents’ divorce, triggered by her father’s family’s deeply ingrained preference for sons over daughters. Back in the days of China’s one-child policy, Z’s birth as a girl set off a chain reaction—her father’s side began criticizing her mother, and tensions grew until the marriage unraveled. Though the divorce papers were signed long ago, Z’s mom still carries a simmering anger toward her ex-husband, his personality, his family, and their values. It’s a wound so deep that she’s quit working, harbors a distrust of men, and has no interest in remarrying. The marriage may be over, but its emotional grip on her hasn’t loosened.

2. A Tangled Triangle That Won’t Untie

Divorce reshapes family dynamics, often leaving behind a messy web of guilt, over-dependence, and unresolved conflicts—and kids like Z get caught in the middle. Z once told me, “My mom is the most important person in the world to me.” No matter what happens, her mom is her rock. When it came time to choose a college, Z could’ve gone to a top school in another city after acing her exams. But she stayed local, picking a university close to home just to be near her mom. Her mother, in turn, leans heavily on Z, wanting her daughter by her side forever—someone to help with work, studies, anything. Fueled by her resentment of patriarchal biases like her ex’s “son preference,” Z’s mom spoils her endlessly, almost as if to compensate. Meanwhile, Z’s dad is a taboo topic. They’ve cut him out entirely, and Z’s bitterness runs deep: “He abandoned us because he wanted a boy.” It’s a rigid, unhealthy triangle that stifles any chance of moving forward.

3. The Pain Kids Carry

Perhaps the heaviest burden of divorce falls on the children, who often wrestle with feelings of inferiority, guilt, and self-blame, believing they somehow caused the split. Z was a quiet, introspective teen in high school—not the most social kid. She’d confide in me about how ashamed she felt about her parents’ divorce, like it was some dirty secret that made her less-than. She internalized her mom’s pain so deeply that she once said, “In front of my mom, I’m more like the mom—I have to take care of her forever.” When a chance to work abroad came up, Z agonized over it but ultimately turned it down, terrified of leaving her mom alone. The divorce left her with a lingering sense of abandonment, a scar that shows up in her distrust of men and her reluctance to open up emotionally. She avoids deep relationships, especially with guys, brushing off anything serious with a sneer. For Z, the pain isn’t just the self-consciousness and guilt from her broken family—it’s living her mom’s struggles as her own, to the point where she’s sacrificed new possibilities, like finding a life partner, entirely.